On This Day 11.30.16

On This Day in 1835, Mark Twain was born. He is most notable for having briefly visited the USS Enterprise on Stardate 46001.3

On This Day in 1940, Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz were married. The ceremony was held in Shea Stadium with Stan Lee officiating.

On This Day in 1952, The Lord combined equal parts Wimsey, Magic and Unearthly Talent and thus, Mandy Patinkin was born.

On This Day in 1954, a Meteorite hit Ann Hodges in her home in Sylacauga, Alabama. The fight lasted 3 days, with Ann winning by TKO in the 45th round.

On This Day 11.29.16

Today is Electronic Greeting Day, so send an email just like every other goddamn day.

On This Day in 1961, Enos became the first chimp to orbit Earth. Upon reaching space, he looked down upon the glory of all God’s creation, and typed up the screenplay for Plant Of The Apes.

On This Day in 1964, English was used for the first time during a U.S. Catholic mass when a priest dropped that incense thing.

On This Day in 1972, Pong, a coin-operated video game, debuted. Now we have shit like Skyrim because life is a miracle.

On This Day in 1984, a Megamouth shark was caught off Catalina Island, California. The sharks mouth was actually quite small, but it just wouldn’t shut the fuck up.

On This Day 11.28.16

On This Day in 1520, Ferdinand Magellan, while wearing shoe inserts and traveling west from Spain, discovered what is now the Strait of Magellan.

On This Day in 1925, Grand Ole Opry made its radio debut. The first song played? I Can’t Go For That by Hall and Oates.

On This Day in 1959, the world decided we needed to use the phrase “That guy from that thing.” more, so Judd Nelson was born.

On This Day in 1974, John Lennon made a concert appearance at NYC’s Madison Square Garden. He played only one song: Maneater by Hall and Oates. He was such a rebel.

On This Day 11.25.16

On This Day in 1787, Franz Gruber was born. he would go on to star in the first Die Hard movie as the charming but murderous antagonist.

On This Day in 1851, the first YMCA in North America opened in Montreal, Quebec. The first four members? A construction worker, a cop, a leather guy and Vice President Joe Biden.

On This Day in 1922 The first door to King Tut’s tomb was opened by Geraldo Rivera. It was empty.

On This Day in 1975, Robert S. Ledley received a patent for the CAT scan, still the most reliable form of Feline Examination.

On This Day 11.24.16

On This Day in 1639, The Transit of Venus was first observed. When asked, Venus replied “Damn, can’t a girl transit without being harassed? Stalker.”
On This Day in 1859, Charles Darwin’s controversial Origin of Species was published. Why was it controversial? Because literal centuries of brainwashing is hard to shake.
On This Day in 1930, Ruth Nichols became the first woman to fly a transcontinental flight. Halfway through, she drank a can of Ginger Ale, starting a sky tradition that remains to this day.
Also, It’s Thanksgiving. I bet you didn’t know that, but it’s true.

On This Day 11.23.16

On This Day in 1835, the Horseshoe manufacturing machine was patented and suddenly  whole new category of superstition became widely available.

On This Day in 1888, the lord decided the bulbhorn was being underutilized as a comedic tool. As a result, Harpo Marx was born.

On This Day in 1889, The first jukebox was installed in the Palais Royale Saloon in San Francisco. The first song played? I Can’t Go for That by Hall and Oates

On This Day 11.22.16

On This Day in 1940, the world decided that it was not strange nor creative enough, so it summoned Terry Gilliam to right the course.

On This Day in 1958, because we had been good, Jamie Lee Curtis was born.

On This Day in 2009, Race car driver Jimmie Johnson set a NASCAR record by winning his fourth consecutive championship. He did it by turning right, a little known NASCAR cheat code.

On This Day 11.18.16

On This Day in 1307, William Tell shot an apple off of his son’s head. He was an excellent shot, but a terrible father.

On This Day in 1820, Captain Nathaniel B. Palmer discovered Antarctica. He was going to name it Palmervania, but a persuasive Polar Bear convinced him otherwise.

On This Day in 1865, Mark Twain’s, The Celebrated Jumping Frog of Calaveras County, was released. It started a national frog-frenzy which continues to this day.

On This Day in 1928, The animated short, Sawtooth Willie, was released featuring a missing-toothed Mickey Mouse.

On This Day 11.17.16

On This Day in 1800, The U.S. Congress met for the first time in the Capitol, Washington, D.C. They had a short dance party, ate pizza and just had a real good time.

On This Day in 1851, the first U.S. postage stamp of an American eagle was issued. No one knew what an eagle actually looked like, so they just used a finch and hoped for the best.

On This Day in 1980, A turkey was plucked in 1 minute 30 seconds, setting the world record. The plucker who did the deed? The turkey itself.
After throwing its final feathers to the ground, the nude bird said “& that’s how you do that, son.” & strutted off into the night.

On This Day in 2004, The soap opera All My Children taped its 9,000th episode. THERE WERE SO MANY CHILDREN.

On This Day 11.16.16

On This Day in 1900, Philadelphia Orchestra played its inaugural concert. Their first song? I Can’t Go for That by Hall and Oates

On This Day in 1959, Rodgers and Hammerstein’s musical, The Sound of Music, premiered. It is said that Andrew Lloyd Webber ate an entire tophat in rage upon hearing the production, hence the popular phrase.

On This Day in 1965, Walt Disney announced plans to build Epcot Center. Enclosed in one of the cornerstones? A young Michigan J Frog.