On This Day 7.20.18

Born on this day in 1304 was the poet, Petrarch, who was best known for his leaf hats.

On this day in 1304, Edward I of England took the last rebel stronghold in the wars of Scottish Independence. After a grueling campaign, Edward had won 3 out of 5 games of Connect 4, and thus, won the stronghold.

On this day in 1875, the Connecticut State Agricultural Experiment station was established, when a couple of guys wondered what would happen if they poured Kool-Aid on some carrot seeds. Turns out, nothing.

On this day in 1900, Eleanor Annie Lamson was the first female astronomer employed at the U.S. Naval Observatory. The first thing she did was aim the telescope at the sky, changing the Astronomy game forever.

Born on this day in 1919 was Sir Edmund Hillary, the first person to reach the summit of Mt. Everest while absolutely covered in goddamn mayonnaise.

On this day in 1969, Neil Armstrong became the first person to step foot on the moon. This made him privy to a few other firsts including:

  • The first person to be disappointed that the moon was definitely not made of cheese
  • The first person to meet the Moon People
  • The first person to eat the special cheese created by the Moon People
  • The first person to be disappointed in the cheese of the Moon People

During a press conference after his return to earth, Armstrong was jokingly asked if there was cheese on the moon. To the surprise of the assembled press corps, Armstrong fell silent and with him, the entire room. For the first time since his return, the newly developed hero looked tired, as if the trip into space had aged him 20 years instead of the 8 short days that had made up the mission. Until now, Armstrong had been full of energy, smiling enthusiastically shaking hands. But now, the man shone through the outer layer of legendary astronaut, his mortality on full and undeniable display.

“No.” He finally said after taking a ragged breath. “No. There is no cheese on the moon.”

On this day in 1976, Viking 1, a U.S. Robot spacecraft, landed on Mars, which is made entirely out of delicious Port Wine Cheese.

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