On This Day 1.18.17

On This Day in 1562, the play entitled Gorboduc, written by Thomas Norton and Thomas Sackville, was presented before Queen Elizabeth 1. It was the first real English tragedy, mainly due to Norton’s overwrought dialogue and terrible acting.
On This Day in 1644, two lights formed a manlike shape and arose out of the water in Boston. This is a true thing I found. It was just this sentence with NO EXPLANATION.
On This Day in 1911, Eugene Ely proved that planes could land safely on ships by shouting about it for 4 hours, then throwing hot dogs at a sleeping duck.
On This Day in 1996, a 221-pound striped marlin was caught vacationing near Red Hill, Hawaii. CIting stresses with work, the fish was reportedly trying to “Start on that novel I’ve been putting off and just really find myself.

On This Day 1.17.17

On This Day in 1706, noted Statesman, inventor and turkey enthusiast Benjamin Franklin was born. He loved plants, baths and getting hit by lightning.

On This Day in 1966, Simon and Gerfunkel, the “Dark Wizards of Folk,” released their album, “Sounds of Silence.”

On This Day in 1871, Andrew S. Hallidie received a patent for a cable car system. I’m sorry, HBO car system.

On This Day in 1985. British Telecom announced the retirement of Britain’s Red Telephone boxes. Doctor Who was quoted as saying “Whew, that was close.” Superman could not be reached for comment.

On This Day 1.16.17

Today is Martin Luther King Jr. day. Please do something nice for someone in your life. We all need it.

On This Day in 1909, was Ethel Merman. While known for her stage work, she was also a world renowned sport fisher and constructed the first robot.

On This Day in 1920, prohibition went into effect in the U.S. The ban was meant to be on Shoes, but was misheard.

On This Day 1.12.17

On This Day in 1773, the first public museum in America, the Charleston Museum, opened. It was a museum dedicated exclusively to dudes named Charles.

Born On This Day in 1930 was Tim Horton, purveyor of the best donuts and coffee on the fucking planet. O, and also he played hockey.

On This Day in 1966, Batman made its television debut, exposing Bruce Wayne’s filthy secrets once and for all.

On This Day 1.11.17

On This Day in 1757, Alexander Hamilton was born. You may have heard of him.
On This Day in 1878, Milk was delivered in glass bottles for the first. Due to the belief that bovine milk was poisonous, it was mainly Dog Milk.
On This Day in 1935, Pioneer aviatrix Amelia Earhart became the first woman to pilot solo from Hawaii to Mainland USA. Aviatrix. So badass.

On This Day 1.9.17

On This Day in 1793, the first successful U.S. balloon flight was completed in Philadelphia, PA, by Jean Pierre Blanchard. I misread this as Balloon FIGHT and am now terribly disappointed.

Knowing that, someday, Phish would take a break, Dave Matthews was born On This Day in 1967.

On This Day in 1996, NBA’s Toronto Raptors became the first team to miss all free throw attempts in a game, which I’m being told is bad.

On This Day 1.6.17

On This Day in 1759, George Washington married Martha Dandridge Custis. He was the original Bridezilla.

On This Day in 1838, S.F.B. Morse demonstrated his completed telegraph at the speedwell iron works. He demonstrated it to one drunk janitor and a dog. The dog left halfway through.

On This Day in 1942, The first around-the-world commercial flight was completed by Pan American Airways. They showed the film “Hitch” 137 times.

On This Day 1.3.16

On This Day in 1863, the first covered skating rink in Canada opened. It was covered in ranch and sautéed onions. It was delicious.

On This Day in 1985, Soprano Leontyne Price made her farewell appearance at New York’s Metropolitan Opera. She would go on to pursue a lucratively successful career in MMA.

On This Day in 1992, The Miss Canada Pageant was canceled due to costs and pageants being gross.